Reyn's Order
It's been some stressful and anxious times for me since that criminal running for president blurted out his belief that Haitians were eating pets. It necessitated the postponement of my most recent book tour and the installment of my next story originally titled "Tails in the Sandbox: Brian Wilson and Me," but will now be titled "Reyn: The Final Tour", as I've elected the entire second half.
Before I become a recluse as my father, Dirtysocks, was forced to do during the McCarthy era, I'd like to answer the one question so many fans have written and emailed to ask since the release of my last story:
Gimlet from New Orleans writes to ask:
"What happens next? What did you end up getting?"
Well, after our failed family shopping trip I spent most of what remained of that weekend texting with Gigi. We closely reviewed my wish lists and she had me upgrade the printer and some other products, pointing always to more cutting-edge and soon-to-be-released products and devices.
I ordered an extended Apple suite, featuring advanced text-to-speech technology, oversized keyboards with paw-sized keys, and other oversized or specially adapted accessories. I can already tell you that I'm getting used to this stuff, and it's all really terrific!
I chose Apple and Apple-compatible products knowing that Nalini and Dalton would be totally mystified by them, having always depended on our Gateway PC with its Vista OS. Piedmont Publishing, in a very kind gesture, provided Nalini and Dad with matching Lenovo Yoga Laptops.
There's not much more to share. The new laptops work on Windows 11 and so far as I know, the only program they've learned is Yahoo. Piedmont has offered them techs whenever they ask, but they are old-fashioned and seem to be only poking at their phones so far and googling a lot of things.
I chose Apple and Apple-compatible products knowing that Nalini and Dalton would be totally mystified by them, having always depended on our Gateway PC with its Vista OS. Piedmont Publishing, in a very kind gesture, provided Nalini and Dad with matching Lenovo Yoga Laptops.
There's not much more to share. The new laptops work on Windows 11 and so far as I know, the only program they've learned is Yahoo. Piedmont has offered them techs whenever they ask, but they are old-fashioned and seem to be only poking at their phones so far and googling a lot of things.
And by the way, you can still look forward to my Christmas Compilation "Let the Seasonal Holiday of Your Choosing Reyn Upon You!"
<30>
Reyn's Order
It's been some stressful and anxious time for me since the criminal running for president blurted out his belief that Haitians were eating pets. It necessitated the postponed of my most recent book tour and the installment of my next story which was originally titled "Brian Wilson and Me, Tails in the Sandbox" but will now be titled "Reyn: The Final Tour". Again, this has nothing to do with my wonderful fans but is singularly due to my recent observations of the degeneration of american society. Also because of death threats from depersonificationalists.
But before I become reclusive as my father, Dirtysocks, was forced to become during the McCarthy era, I'd like to answer the one question so many fans have emailed to ask me since the release of my last story:
As Gimlet from New Orleans asks:
"What happens next? What did you end up getting?"
Well, after our failed family shopping trip I spent most of what remained of that weekend texting with Gigi. Together we reviewed my wish lists. She had me upgrade the printer and some other products pointing out more cutting-edge and soon-to-be-released products and devices.
What I ended up with was basically an extended Apple suite featuring advanced text-to-speech technology, oversized keyboards paw-size keys and other oversized or specially adapted accessories. I can tell you now that I'm getting used to them, they're really terrific.
I chose Apple and Apple-compatible products knowing that Nalini and Dalton would be totally mystified by them, having always depended on our Gateway PC computer with it's Vista OS. Gigi was kind enough to provide Nalini and Dad with Lenovo Yoga Laptops, which was a very kind gesture.
There's not much more to share since their new laptops work on Windows 11 and so far the only program they can use is Yahoo. Gigi said she will offer them techs whenever they ask, but they are stubborn and only seem to be poking at their phones a lot asking google things.
(PS- If you can send me a picture of Gimlet I can make this into a filler post in the Reyn / Dirtysocks series. Anyway, stay safe down there and remain on the edge of trouble
After more conversation regarding Reyn's income and what she might do with it, I finally suggested we simply gift Reyn a thousand dollars. She could use that money however she pleased to acquire the tools she needed to advance her career. She could consider it a one-time gift. That way she could save her royalty money and… do what?
I almost said “To pay for college", but instead I said, “For whatever you want. Maybe you could upgrade your Barbie Jeep, or get a Smart car, or a Minnie Cooper. You could even donate some of it to the SPCA or something …”
"I'm not donating my money to anyone, or anything," snarled Reyn, turning and hopping near Nalini on the couch. (Just as a side note, Reyn's attitude toward charities soon changed when she realized how much she would soon be earning.)
I was grasping for straws and finally gave up, saying, “Actually, Reyn, I can see you’ve thought this all out. It is, after all, your money. Just keep us in the loop. We'd still like to help in any way we can. "
Reyn had searched the internet for everything she wanted. On Thursday she was still poking around, looking for better values, re-evaluating her decisions, and investigating the availability of where items were in stock. She was confident and nearly sure about her choices, but still nervous about spending so much money on herself.
She knew better than to ask for my advice. I’m no help at these things. I have no patience to research purchases. I buy what people recommend I buy, or simply purchase what the salesperson says suits me best. I just want things unpackaged and done.
=====
Saturday was the big day. Our plan was to visit Target, Best Buy, Office Depot, Staples, and a Chic store Reyn had heard of through a friend. We would stop shopping and break for lunch and then decide which stores to return to and make the purchases at.
Yes, this was old-style shopping, but Nalini and I are tactile people and unused to online shopping. Besides, at least for me, it’s really nice to get out of the house. Reyn liked to get out as well, to poke her head out of her accessorized Barbie Cat-Carry-All and to smell new things. It turns out that she too is a real believer in 'touch before you buy' just as we are.
Everything changed on Friday afternoon when a thick certified envelope arrived by carrier. It was from Reyn’s publisher. It contained, among papers and documents, a shiny Platinum Bank of America Visa with a five-thousand-dollar credit limit. The cover letter read something like, “Dear Reyn:
“This is for incidentals. Should your Barbie Jeep break down and you need a Lyft, use it. If you find that you need, or want books, or anything from Petsmart, use it. If you want an e-reader, stationery supplies, or need to travel for research, whatever you need, use it. This is yours. It represents your quarterly expense account. If you find that the limit we've set is inadequate, call or text me. *1–
(What was that about Indians and their gold?)
We trust you know how to use it. We’ll warn gently for excesses or overdraft mistakes. Enjoy, but not overly! Keep in mind that other expense and cost provisions from your contract remain in effect until modified by mutual consent.
"We also recommend, and again due to your feline status, that whenever possible, you purchase from the following vendors as they provide us with very deep discounts. (A short shortlist of vendors, including Apple, Best Buy, Barnes and Noble, Petsmart, and 20 or so others were listed).
"Also, Reyn, please resist purchasing from, using products of, or shipping by or with Amazon, The owner of Piedmont Publishing would greatly appreciate this as Amazon is our biggest competitor. Also, we special rates shipping rates through USPS, FedEx, and UPS. We're sure you understand, but keep in mind that these things are not hard fast rules. Think of it as being part of the team.
"Welcome to the Gold Book Level, Reyn!
"Gigi L.
"*1– Your Guardians, (Nalini and, or Dalton), or your agent Gigi Jillbus (Piedmont Publishing) will have to approve all purchases, this is simply a legal matter required because of your status as a Feline, and technically you are a minor (see addendum to your contract)."
=====
On Saturday, just as we had planned, we found the family rolling into the Box Store Corral parking lot. We immediately realized our error. Maybe a hundred people wearing masks, and spaced six feet apart, were lined up outside the doors of Best Buy. To our left, fifty or more were idle outside of Target. Ross and Bed Bath and Beyond were no better.
"You know honey, I think our masks are in the other car," said Nalini.
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB
After more conversation regarding Reyn's income and what she might do with it, I finally suggested we simply gift Reyn a thousand dollars. She could use that money any way she pleased to collect the tools she required to advance her career. She could consider it a one-time gift. That way she could save her royalty money and… do what?
I almost said “To pay for college", but instead I said, “For whatever you want. Maybe you could upgrade your Barbie Jeep, or get a Smart car, or a Minnie Cooper. You could even donate some of it to the SPCA or something …”
"I'm not donating my money to anyone, or anything," snarled Reyn, turning and hopping near Nalini on the couch
I was grasping for straws and finally gave up saying, “Actually, Reyne, I can see you’ve thought this all out pretty well. It is, after all, your money. Just keep us in the loop. We'd still like to help in any way we can. "
By Thursday, Reyn had searched out everything she wanted to buy. Still, she was poking at the internet looking for better values, re-evaluating her decisions, and investigating the availability of where items were in stock. She was confident and nearly sure about her choices, but still nervous about spending so much money on herself.
She knew better than to ask for my advice. I’m no help at these things. I have no patience to research purchases. I buy what people recommend I buy, or simply purchase what the salesperson says suits me best. I just want things unpackaged and done.
Saturday was the big day. Our plan was to visit Target, Best Buy, Office Depot, Staples, and a Chic store Reyn had heard of through a friend. We would stop shopping and break for lunch and then decide which stores we would return to and make our purchases.
Yes, this was old-style shopping, but Nalini and I are tactile people and unused to online shopping. Besides, at least for me, it’s really nice to get out of the house. Reyn liked to get out as well, to poke her head out of her accessorized Barbie Cat-Carry-All and to smell new things. It turns out that she is a real believer in 'touch before you buy' just as we are.
Everything changed on Friday afternoon when a thick certified envelope arrived by carrier. It was from Reyn’s publisher. It contained, among several documents, a shiny Platinum Bank of America Visa with a five-thousand-dollar credit limit. The cover letter read something like, “Dear Reyn:
“This is for incidentals. Should your Barbie Jeep break down and you need a Lyft, use it. If you find that you need, or want books, or anything from Petsmart, use it. If you want an e-reader, stationery supplies, or need to travel for research, whatever you need, use it. This is yours. It represents your quarterly expense account. If you find that the limit is inadequate, call or text me. *1–
(What was that about Indians and their gold?)
We trust you know how to use it. We’ll warn gently for excesses or overdraft mistakes. Enjoy, but not overly! Keep in mind that other expense and cost provisions from your contract remain in effect until modified by mutual consent.
"We also recommend, and again due to your feline status, that whenever possible, you purchase from the following vendors as they provide us with very deep discounts. (A short shortlist of vendors, including Apple, Best Buy, Barnes and Noble, Petsmart, and 20 or so others were listed).
"Also, Reyn, please resist purchasing from, using products of, or shipping by or with Amazon, The owner of Piedmont Publishing would greatly appreciate this as Amazon is our biggest competitor. Also, we special rates shipping rates through USPS, FedEx, and UPS. We're sure you understand, but keep in mind that these things are not hard fast rules. Think of it as being part of the team.
Welcome to the Golden Book Level, Reyn!
"*1– “Your Guardians, (Nalini and, or Dalton), or your agent Gigi Jillbus (Piedmont Publishing) will have to approve all purchases, this is simply a legal matter required because of your status as a Feline, and technically you are a minor (see addendum to your contract)."
Saturday, just as we had planned, we found the family rolling into the Box Store Corral parking lot. We immediately realized our error. Maybe a hundred people wearing masks, and spaced six feet apart, were lined up outside the doors of Best Buy. To our left, fifty or more were idle outside of Target. Ross and Bed Bath and Beyond were no better.
"You know honey, I think our masks are in the other car," said Nalini.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"I'm seven years old. I'm already on my third life," she reminded us. " I also want to create short-term capital investments to give us some tax breaks. We may need them." It seemed that in Nalini's absence, Reyn had been doing her homework. Reyn had even applied for ADA grants to offset the challenges she bore as a feline author. When her first application was denied she decided to abandon programs which only stole from her writing time. "It's things like our fax machine and copier. They just aren't good enough anymore. We need to update, or you guys will always be running to Kinko's."
It was a lot to take in so suddenly. Our little kitten had grown up. Nalini could see the advantage of investing in new equipment, especially the laptop and tablet. She was less enthusiastic about the idea of Reyn putting all of her money in a bank. She said, "The internet keeps saying cash will be obsolete in a month or two. In India, all invest in gold. You should consider gold, and maybe some solid stocks and an IRA on the side."
Reyn listened patiently, mostly while licking and grooming herself thoroughly and rolling from one side to the other on the carpet to finally stretching every limb to its fullest length topping finally shared a wide open tongue out yawn as only cats can do. She responded to our suggestions and commentary just as all mid-teens do with their parents on this, "but it's my money...".
I suggested we simply gift Reyn a thousand dollars or so and help her find the tools she needed. She could then save her money for herself and... do what? I almost said "Help us to pay for college", but instead, I stupidly said, "For whatever you want, maybe upgrade your Barbie Jeep to a Smart Car or Minnie Cooper..." I knew I was grasping for straws, "Actually, Reyne, can see you've thought this out. It's your money. Keep us posted and under advisement."
We'd come to a working consensus, and in so doing we all knew it and shared the acknowledgment as only family can, exchanging soft nods and gentle grins, landing shared knowledge between all eyes. But for the dishwasher changing cycles, there was silence.
By Thursday Reyn pretty much knew what she wanted to buy, but was still poking around the internet looking for something maybe better. I'm no help at these things, I have no patience. I buy what people recommend, or what the salesperson says suits me best. I just want it to be done.
It was settled. Saturday was the big day. Our plan was to visit Target, Best Buy, Office Depot, Staples, and a Chic electronics store Reyn had heard of. During lunch, we would choose where which store to return to and buy. Yes, it's old-fashioned shopping, but we're tactile people, and after Covid, at least for me, it's really nice to get outside. Reyn loved to get out as well and poke her head out of her accessorized Barbie carry-all.
On Friday everything changed, or was diverted when a thick certified envelope arrived mail from Reyn's publisher. It contained, among other papers, a Bank of America Gold Visa with a five-thousand-dollar credit limit. The accompanying cover letter read something like, "Dear Reyn:
"This is for incidentals. Should your Barbie Jeep break down, and you need a Lyft. If you discover you need or want books, an e-reader, stationery supplies, or need to travel for research, whatever. This is yours. It is your quarterly expense account. If you find you need a higher limit, ask. *1--
What was that about Indians and their gold?
*1-- "Your Guardians, Nalini and, or Dalton, or your agent Gigi Jillbus (representing Piedmont Publishing) will have to approve all purchases (see addendum to your contract). We trust you know how to use it. We'll warn gently for mistakes. Enjoy, but not overly! Keep in mind that other expense and cost provisions of your contract remain in effect until modified by mutual consent "
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.